Ewa is a 10-year-old girl living in a high building in a quiet town. She's an odd, lonely child and for good reason: she's convinced of being a vampire. Fascinated by Hugo, 15, she dreams of turning him into a vampire too, so that she can overcome her loneliness. When Ewa opens up to him, she gets bullied by teenagers from the neighborhood. Hurt in her body and soul, she's ready to act in the creepiest, sickest ways to prove her identity to the world.
Very cool! At first, I thought you were just bringing this to our attention, but then I see the mega link at the bottom! Thanks so much, art! I'm gonna check this one out very soon!
It's a trailer with subs for the first monologue. It proved I was wrong with:
- Menez-y grand Cher maître ("Guide me", my original choice, which was wrong)
vs
- Mais n'ayez crainte Cher maître. (another one, which is correct: have no fear/fear not/don't worry)
I tried listening over and over, but there's but clank in the soundtrack right at that moment and it was difficult to discern.
I like your line-spacing better, I think.
Currently, I am tweaking the first dialogue with Hugo again. I am learning more French as I go (the expression "À la rentrée", for example).
I won't be too long on this. Would you like to compare when finished? If you wish to just post it when you're finished, I completely understand.
Well the last third of this one got crazy. For me, whisper struggled with much of the dialogue and screams and loud, thumping music. It got a lot harder than I thought it would. I ended up using multiple iterations of whisper/freesub passthroughs.
I imagine ghost would have some corrections if he continued. I have completed my initial work, but I submit these as for review.
Spoiler:
for comparison/review
[File]
Some notes I took as I edited, some helpful, some odd:
And for the subs, WOW! I compared every line and word. I am happy to see our minds went to similar or same ideas for the areas that were left ambiguous by the transcribers/translators (either that or ghost had better luck with whisper). For anyone that wants to watch them now, you will get the same experience from either set of subs. Even some lines that, for me, required guesswork or human translation, were word-for-word the same as ghost's. We even dropped most of the exact same background screaming lines (ones that needed it). We even split some of our lines at the exact same word. Most variations are minor. This gives me a big smile.
ghost, have you compared at all? I know you said your subs are final, just wondering.
No spoilers. From ghost's work, I have adjusted my subs with:
- some of ghost's ideas for merging lines to allow for easier reading for fast-paced dialogue moments.
- a minor error near the end about the entrance to a building.
- removed some excessive exclamation marks
- modified some dialogue, using ghost's idea, where dialogue sounded more curt, which sounds more natural for the moments of rapid-dialogue.
- more consistent use of dashes " - " for multiple speakers in merged lines
- i wrote Ewa as Eva a few times.
- Granny is back to Grandma. i dunno what I was thinking, no one says granny.
- removed unnecessary quotation marks.
Here are my comparison notes and suggestions for your work, ghost. They are humbly submitted. Most are pretty minor. But this is just so much fun! I completely understand if you aren't interested in returning to them, I know it takes so long already. Spoilers for anyone beyond this point.
Spoiler:
00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:56,420
quand j'aurai envie de sang !
consider changing "when I feel like it" to "when I'm out for blood/when I want blood"
- as soon as you cross the
earth and the sea to join me.
/ it seems more a command
- at once you will cross lands
and seas to join me.
by the way, whisper auto-placed quotation marks at this point for her invocation. interesting. it's like it knows I'll spend ten minutes pondering about whether to leave them in or not. edit: i dropped them.
Et quand en pensais je vous crierais - what whisper got
Et quand, en pensée, je vous crierai - from the French translation of Dracula
- and when I think of
you, I will believe you. (Je vous croirais, which does sound similar to crierai)
Whisper is getting confused from the conjugated forms of Croire and Crier - they don't look too similar in infinitive form, but when put into their conditional/future perfect (or whatever) forms, they get close as you can tell.
you may want to consider:
- and when I think of
you [and] I cry out to you
A note about the excerpt from Dracula that Ewa uses. The word choice for this portion is deliberate and modified. It is an excerpt of Dracula himself speaking directly to Mina. As such, in French, the feminine form of the adjectives/nouns, etc, are used. However, Ewa distinctly modifies it for transforming Hugo, and switches to masculine forms of description. Celle goes to celui, etc. "The one who will fulfill" is perfectly acceptable but I thought I'd give the translation a nudge in the direction, "He who will fulfill". English will otherwise often remains neuter and not much chance is given for this opportunity. She cherry-picks lines from this excerpt for better effect, but you can still recreate the original French translation from here:
"Chair de ma chair, sang de mon sang, celle qui va combler tous mes désirs, ensuite sera à jamais ma compagne [mon ami is used instead] et ma bienfaitrice. Quand, en pensée, je vous crierai : Venez, aussitôt vous traverserez terres et mers pour me rejoindre."
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Finally, I thought it would be fun to allow some wiggle room on the translation side of things. I thought it would be cool to incorporate some vampire lore and lexicon into the mix, using "sire" and "turn" and "mortals", which are words often associated with vampire creation. DeepL also suggested the use of "turn" when it realized vampirization was involved. I also thought of constructing Ewa opening lines more formally or like an invocation, as it is a prayer to her original master. And so I thought about some distinct terms and only using contractions where necessary. Honestly, I think I might prefer ghost's original version over what was put into the trailer subtitles.
It was just an idea, and I see how many might prefer direct translations without as much funny business.
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Here are my updated subs, for further consideration/comparison.
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Last edited by pillowbaker on Fri Jul 21, 2023 12:08 am, edited 1 time in total.
ghost, have you compared at all? I know you said your subs are final, just wondering.
Yes, I did compare and even stole some of your text. I just called it final, because the editing was finished and I was pleased with the result.
Here are my comparison notes and suggestions for your work, ghost.
Many thanks for your suggestions. They really make a lot of sense. I think I need to change a few words after all.
[Code]
I didn't have any French text. Whisper did the transcription and the translation.
I cleaned the audio with Davinci Resolve before using Whisper. I think that helped a bit to get the spoken words better.
[Image]
Now we have 2 similar subtitle files. People can choose which one they wanna use.
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt28434810/
I just called it final, because the editing was finished and I was pleased with the result.