Sproing....
-
Phuzzy4242
- Site Admin
- Posts: 7686
- Likes: 31893
- Joined: Sun Aug 23, 2009 1:00 am
-
ptguardian
- Posts: 4479
- Likes: 14819
- Joined: Wed Sep 17, 2008 1:00 am
Re: Sproing....
Post
by ptguardian »
0 likes
Spring is already here where I live. Soon it will be too hot for comfort but it does have the advantage of girls showing their best attire earlier and for longer than a cold climate. 
Ah yes, spring is here
Ah yes, spring is here
-
starfish21
- Posts: 3374
- Likes: 27394
- Joined: Tue May 23, 2006 1:00 am
-
Phuzzy4242
- Site Admin
- Posts: 7686
- Likes: 31893
- Joined: Sun Aug 23, 2009 1:00 am
Re: Sproing....
Post
by Phuzzy4242 »
2 likes
The IRS decided to audit Grandpa and summoned him to the IRS office. The auditor wasn't surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
He said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that ... believable."
"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," said Grandpa. "Want a demonstration?"
The auditor thought for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."
Grandpa said, "I bet you a thousand dollars I can bite my own eye."
The auditor thought about it and said, "It's a bet."
Grandpa removed his glass eye and bit it. The auditor's jaw dropped.
Grandpa said, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars I can bite my other eye."
The auditor could tell Grandpa wasn't blind so he took the bet.
Grandpa removed his dentures and bit his good eye. The stunned auditor now realized he wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He started to get nervous.
"Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa asked. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk and pee into that wastebasket on the other side and never get a drop anywhere in between."
The auditor, twice burned, was cautious now, but he looked carefully and decided there was no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agreed again.
Grandpa stood beside the desk and unzipped his pants, but although he strained mightily, he couldn't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinated all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leapt with joy, realizing that he just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa's attorney moaned and put his head in his hands.
"Are you okay?" the auditor asked.
"Not really," said the attorney. "This morning when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and you'd be happy about it."
----------
A skinny little guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown."
The little guy faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and starts shaking him, and says, "What's wrong with you?"
In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?"
The big dude says, "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me ... I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown."
The small guy says, "Turner Brown?! Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, 'Turn around!'"
----------
A mother was invited by her son, Anthony, for dinner. He lived with a female roommate, Tina. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty she was. Over the course of the evening while watching them interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Tina and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Tina came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I can't find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote an email:
Dear Mama,
I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl
from my house; I'm not saying that you "did not"
take it. But the fact remains that it's been missing
ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Anthony
Several days later, Anthony received an email back from his Mama which read:
Dear son, I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with
Tina and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with
her. But if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she
would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Love, Mama
----------
A girl came skipping home from school one day.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said.
"Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy.
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.
"Very good," said her embarassed mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"
"No Honey, it's because you're 24."
----------
"I don't believe in beating my kids. So I make them wear a Justin Bieber shirt and Crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me." -- tweet by Adam Sandler
He said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that ... believable."
"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," said Grandpa. "Want a demonstration?"
The auditor thought for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."
Grandpa said, "I bet you a thousand dollars I can bite my own eye."
The auditor thought about it and said, "It's a bet."
Grandpa removed his glass eye and bit it. The auditor's jaw dropped.
Grandpa said, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars I can bite my other eye."
The auditor could tell Grandpa wasn't blind so he took the bet.
Grandpa removed his dentures and bit his good eye. The stunned auditor now realized he wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He started to get nervous.
"Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa asked. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk and pee into that wastebasket on the other side and never get a drop anywhere in between."
The auditor, twice burned, was cautious now, but he looked carefully and decided there was no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agreed again.
Grandpa stood beside the desk and unzipped his pants, but although he strained mightily, he couldn't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinated all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leapt with joy, realizing that he just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa's attorney moaned and put his head in his hands.
"Are you okay?" the auditor asked.
"Not really," said the attorney. "This morning when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and you'd be happy about it."
----------
A skinny little guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown."
The little guy faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and starts shaking him, and says, "What's wrong with you?"
In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?"
The big dude says, "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me ... I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown."
The small guy says, "Turner Brown?! Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, 'Turn around!'"
----------
A mother was invited by her son, Anthony, for dinner. He lived with a female roommate, Tina. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty she was. Over the course of the evening while watching them interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Tina and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Tina came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I can't find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote an email:
Dear Mama,
I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl
from my house; I'm not saying that you "did not"
take it. But the fact remains that it's been missing
ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Anthony
Several days later, Anthony received an email back from his Mama which read:
Dear son, I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with
Tina and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with
her. But if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she
would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Love, Mama
----------
A girl came skipping home from school one day.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said.
"Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy.
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.
"Very good," said her embarassed mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"
"No Honey, it's because you're 24."
----------
"I don't believe in beating my kids. So I make them wear a Justin Bieber shirt and Crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me." -- tweet by Adam Sandler
-
Phuzzy4242
- Site Admin
- Posts: 7686
- Likes: 31893
- Joined: Sun Aug 23, 2009 1:00 am
Re: Sproing....
Post
by Phuzzy4242 »
2 likes
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
Re: Sproing....
Nothing even remotely like spring here & I'm in the south of the country. It's 0 deg & conditions can only be described as a blizzard!
Not set to improve any for the forseeable future although I'm off to warmer (possibly even hotter) places tomorrow.
I'll think of you all.....(or to put it another way 'Fuck you Jack, I'm alright, pull the ladder up!)
lb
Not set to improve any for the forseeable future although I'm off to warmer (possibly even hotter) places tomorrow.
I'll think of you all.....(or to put it another way 'Fuck you Jack, I'm alright, pull the ladder up!)
lb
-
starfish21
- Posts: 3374
- Likes: 27394
- Joined: Tue May 23, 2006 1:00 am
Re: Sproing....
Post
by starfish21 »
0 likes
Take this fucking wind'n snow with ye,it's baltic here.