How To Handle A Husband
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay , Jamaica .
Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. People would say, 'What a peaceful & loving couple'
The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their
long and happy marriage.
The Husband replied: 'Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America ,' explained the man.
'We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona , and took
a trip down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse.
We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off.
My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, 'That's once.'
We proceeded a little further and her horse stumbled again. Again my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.'
We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time my wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.
I SHOUTED at her, 'What's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that, are you *%&#@$ crazy!?'
She looked at ME, and quietly said, 'That's once.'
And from that moment..... we have lived happily every after.'
A man and his wife were awakened
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Guest
Re: A man and his wife were awakened
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by Guest »
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Where do women have the curliest hair?
The correct answer is Fiji.
The correct answer is Fiji.
-
Guest
Re: A man and his wife were awakened
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by Guest »
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One more fore lb 
Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......
8:00AM - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30AM - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40AM - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30AM - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00PM - Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00PM - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00PM - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00PM - Milk Bones! My favourite thing!
7:00PM - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary...
Day 983 of my captivity...
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.
B******s.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.
For now................
Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......
8:00AM - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30AM - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40AM - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30AM - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00PM - Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00PM - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00PM - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00PM - Milk Bones! My favourite thing!
7:00PM - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary...
Day 983 of my captivity...
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.
B******s.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.
For now................
-
Guest
Re: A man and his wife were awakened
Post
by Guest »
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A Cute Little Old Lady Goes To The Doctor
A cute little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this
problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never
smell and are always silent. In fact, I've passed gas at least 10 times
since I've been here in your office, but you didn't know it because they
don't smell and are silent."
The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week."
The next week the lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the heck you gave me, but now when I pass gas, it's still silent, but it stinks terribly".
"Good," the doctor said. "Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."
A cute little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this
problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never
smell and are always silent. In fact, I've passed gas at least 10 times
since I've been here in your office, but you didn't know it because they
don't smell and are silent."
The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week."
The next week the lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the heck you gave me, but now when I pass gas, it's still silent, but it stinks terribly".
"Good," the doctor said. "Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."
-
BizarreLoveTriangle
- Posts: 1627
- Likes: 5500
- Joined: Sat Sep 19, 2009 1:00 am
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BizarreLoveTriangle
- Posts: 1627
- Likes: 5500
- Joined: Sat Sep 19, 2009 1:00 am
Re: A man and his wife were awakened
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by BizarreLoveTriangle »
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Nightmares
A man goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare - the man wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The son replies he is scared because he dreamt that Auntie Susie had died. The father assures the son that Auntie Susie is fine and sends him to bed. The next day, Auntie Susie dies.
One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that granddaddy had died. The father assures the son that granddaddy is fine and sends him to bed. The next day, granddaddy dies.
One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that daddy had died. The father assures the son that he is OK and sends the boy to bed. The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified.
The next day, the man is scared for his life-he is sure he is going to die. After dressing he drives very cautiously to work fearful of a collision. He doesn't eat lunch because he is scared of food poisoning. He avoids everyone for he is sure he will somehow be killed. He jumps at every noise, starts at every movement and hides under his desk.
Upon walking in his front door at the end of the day, he finds his wife. "Good God, Dear," he proclaims, "I've just had the worst day of my entire life!" She responds, "You think your day was bad, the milkman dropped dead on the doorstep this morning."
Confession
Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have not been to confession for six months. On top of that, I've been with a loose woman."
The priest sighs. "Is that you, little Tommy O'Shaughnessy?"
"Yes, Father, 'tis I."
"And who might be the woman you were with?"
"I shan't be tellin' you, Father. It would ruin her reputation."
"Well, Tommy, I'm bound to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia Fitzgerald?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Bridget O'Shanter?"
"I'm sorry, but I'll not name her."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy O'Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But, you've sinned, and you must atone. Be off with you now."
Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend, Sean, slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Three more good leads."
Irish Cemetary
Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard.
"Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "It's Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87."
"That's nothing," says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Tool, it says here that he was 95 when he died."
Just then, Seamus yells out, "Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145!"
"What was his name?" asks Paddy.
Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Dublin."
Shopping for One
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was equally intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off her drunken observer as to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, "Well you know what, you're absolutely correct," she admitted. "But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "Because you're ugly."
Art Gallery
A couple attending an art exhibition at the National Gallery was staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three very black and totally naked men sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.
The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for nearly half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society.
"In fact," he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society."
After the curator left, a young man in a West Virginia T-shirt approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"
"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?" asked the couple.
"Because I'm the guy who painted it," he replied. "In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all. They're just three West Virginia coal miners, and the guy in the middle went home for lunch."
A man goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare - the man wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The son replies he is scared because he dreamt that Auntie Susie had died. The father assures the son that Auntie Susie is fine and sends him to bed. The next day, Auntie Susie dies.
One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that granddaddy had died. The father assures the son that granddaddy is fine and sends him to bed. The next day, granddaddy dies.
One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that daddy had died. The father assures the son that he is OK and sends the boy to bed. The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified.
The next day, the man is scared for his life-he is sure he is going to die. After dressing he drives very cautiously to work fearful of a collision. He doesn't eat lunch because he is scared of food poisoning. He avoids everyone for he is sure he will somehow be killed. He jumps at every noise, starts at every movement and hides under his desk.
Upon walking in his front door at the end of the day, he finds his wife. "Good God, Dear," he proclaims, "I've just had the worst day of my entire life!" She responds, "You think your day was bad, the milkman dropped dead on the doorstep this morning."
Confession
Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have not been to confession for six months. On top of that, I've been with a loose woman."
The priest sighs. "Is that you, little Tommy O'Shaughnessy?"
"Yes, Father, 'tis I."
"And who might be the woman you were with?"
"I shan't be tellin' you, Father. It would ruin her reputation."
"Well, Tommy, I'm bound to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia Fitzgerald?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Bridget O'Shanter?"
"I'm sorry, but I'll not name her."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy O'Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But, you've sinned, and you must atone. Be off with you now."
Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend, Sean, slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Three more good leads."
Irish Cemetary
Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard.
"Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "It's Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87."
"That's nothing," says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Tool, it says here that he was 95 when he died."
Just then, Seamus yells out, "Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145!"
"What was his name?" asks Paddy.
Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Dublin."
Shopping for One
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was equally intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off her drunken observer as to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, "Well you know what, you're absolutely correct," she admitted. "But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "Because you're ugly."
Art Gallery
A couple attending an art exhibition at the National Gallery was staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three very black and totally naked men sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.
The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for nearly half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society.
"In fact," he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society."
After the curator left, a young man in a West Virginia T-shirt approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"
"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?" asked the couple.
"Because I'm the guy who painted it," he replied. "In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all. They're just three West Virginia coal miners, and the guy in the middle went home for lunch."
LOL - thanks-
BizarreLoveTriangle
- Posts: 1627
- Likes: 5500
- Joined: Sat Sep 19, 2009 1:00 am
Re: A man and his wife were awakened
Post
by BizarreLoveTriangle »
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THE SETTING: A Scottish old timer (Jeremy Saxton at 65) in Scotland, in
a bar, talking to a young man. "Lad, look out there to the field. Do ya
see that fence? Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by
stone with me own two hands. I piled it for months. But do they call me
Saxton-the-Fence-Builder? Nooo.."
Then the old man gestured at the bar. "Look here at the bar. Do ya see
how smooth and just it is? I planed that surface down by me own achin'
back. I carved that wood with me own hard labour, for eight days. But do
they call me Saxton-the-Bar-builder? Nooo..."
Then the old man points out the window. "Eh, Laddy, look out to sea. Do
ya see that pier that stretches out as far as the eye can see? I built
that pier with the sweat off me back. I nailed it board by board. But do
they call me Saxton-the-Pier-Builder? Nooo..."
Then the old man looks around nervously, trying to make sure no one is
paying attention. "But ya fuck one goat..."
One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out to
God: "Lord, I have a problem."
"What's the problem, Adam?", God replies.
"Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me
with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I'm
just not happy"
"Why is that, Adam?", comes the reply.
"Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food
and all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely."
"Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a
'woman' for you."
"What's a 'woman', Lord?"
"This 'woman' will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and
beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that
she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so
sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make
you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will
unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the
perfect companion for you", replies the heavenly voice.
"Sounds great".
"She will be, but this is going to cost you, Adam". "
"How much will this 'woman' cost me Lord?", Adam replies. "
"She'll cost you your right arm, your right leg, an eye, an ear, and
your left testicle."
Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep thought and concern
on his face. Finally Adam says to God: "Ehhh, what can I get for a rib?"
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday,
and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration,
he decided a pair of gloves would be appropriate - not to romantic, and
not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he
went to Nordstrom and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister
purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk
mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got
the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the
package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note:
"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of
wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your
sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she
wears short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade,
but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing
for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try
yours on for me and she looked really smart. I wish I was there to put
them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in
contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take
them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they
will naturally be a little damp from wearing. "Just think how many
times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them
for me on Friday night.
All my love.
P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur
showing."
There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which one
to marry. So he decides to give each one $5000 and see how each of them
spends it.
The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She
gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells
the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I
love you so much."
The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a
television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I bought
these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."
The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market,
doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the
rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future
because I love you so much."
The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the
money and decided to marry the one with the biggest tits!
A bus stops and two obviously Italian men get on. They seat themselves,
and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them
ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized
when she hears one of the men say the following: "Emma come first. Den I
come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come
together again. I pee twice. Then I come once more."
"You foul-mouthed wop swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this
country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, cool down lady," said the man. "I was only tellin' my friend here
how to spell Mississippi."
a bar, talking to a young man. "Lad, look out there to the field. Do ya
see that fence? Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by
stone with me own two hands. I piled it for months. But do they call me
Saxton-the-Fence-Builder? Nooo.."
Then the old man gestured at the bar. "Look here at the bar. Do ya see
how smooth and just it is? I planed that surface down by me own achin'
back. I carved that wood with me own hard labour, for eight days. But do
they call me Saxton-the-Bar-builder? Nooo..."
Then the old man points out the window. "Eh, Laddy, look out to sea. Do
ya see that pier that stretches out as far as the eye can see? I built
that pier with the sweat off me back. I nailed it board by board. But do
they call me Saxton-the-Pier-Builder? Nooo..."
Then the old man looks around nervously, trying to make sure no one is
paying attention. "But ya fuck one goat..."
One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out to
God: "Lord, I have a problem."
"What's the problem, Adam?", God replies.
"Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me
with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I'm
just not happy"
"Why is that, Adam?", comes the reply.
"Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food
and all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely."
"Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a
'woman' for you."
"What's a 'woman', Lord?"
"This 'woman' will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and
beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that
she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so
sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make
you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will
unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the
perfect companion for you", replies the heavenly voice.
"Sounds great".
"She will be, but this is going to cost you, Adam". "
"How much will this 'woman' cost me Lord?", Adam replies. "
"She'll cost you your right arm, your right leg, an eye, an ear, and
your left testicle."
Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep thought and concern
on his face. Finally Adam says to God: "Ehhh, what can I get for a rib?"
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday,
and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration,
he decided a pair of gloves would be appropriate - not to romantic, and
not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he
went to Nordstrom and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister
purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk
mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got
the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the
package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note:
"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of
wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your
sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she
wears short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade,
but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing
for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try
yours on for me and she looked really smart. I wish I was there to put
them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in
contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take
them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they
will naturally be a little damp from wearing. "Just think how many
times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them
for me on Friday night.
All my love.
P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur
showing."
There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which one
to marry. So he decides to give each one $5000 and see how each of them
spends it.
The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She
gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells
the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I
love you so much."
The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a
television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I bought
these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."
The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market,
doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the
rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future
because I love you so much."
The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the
money and decided to marry the one with the biggest tits!
A bus stops and two obviously Italian men get on. They seat themselves,
and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them
ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized
when she hears one of the men say the following: "Emma come first. Den I
come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come
together again. I pee twice. Then I come once more."
"You foul-mouthed wop swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this
country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, cool down lady," said the man. "I was only tellin' my friend here
how to spell Mississippi."
-
starfish21
- Posts: 3374
- Likes: 27394
- Joined: Tue May 23, 2006 1:00 am
Re: A man and his wife were awakened
Post
by starfish21 »
0 likes
BizarreLoveTriangle wrote:THE SETTING: A Scottish old timer (Jeremy Saxton at 65) in Scotland, in
a bar, talking to a young man. "Lad, look out there to the field. Do ya
see that fence? Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by
stone with me own two hands. I piled it for months. But do they call me
Saxton-the-Fence-Builder? Nooo.."
Then the old man gestured at the bar. "Look here at the bar. Do ya see
how smooth and just it is? I planed that surface down by me own achin'
back. I carved that wood with me own hard labour, for eight days. But do
they call me Saxton-the-Bar-builder? Nooo..."
Then the old man points out the window. "Eh, Laddy, look out to sea. Do
ya see that pier that stretches out as far as the eye can see? I built
that pier with the sweat off me back. I nailed it board by board. But do
they call me Saxton-the-Pier-Builder? Nooo..."
Then the old man looks around nervously, trying to make sure no one is
paying attention. "But ya fuck one goat..."
irish people say 'me' for 'my', scots say 'ma',a nd for 'you' we say 'ye'. i know its trivial and its only a joke but....'the wee things matter'.
one more thing , the scottish islanders are more likely to shag sheep (i hope none are members here)
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just joshing BLT
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BizarreLoveTriangle
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Re: A man and his wife were awakened
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by BizarreLoveTriangle »
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Interesting to knowstarfish21 wrote:irish people say 'me' for 'my', scots say'ma',and for 'you' we say 'ye'.i know its trivial and its only a joke but....'the wee things matter'.
one more thing ,the scottish islanders are more likely to shag sheep(i hope none are members here)