FirstLoveMovies

I thought I'd pass along these old-age jokes... while I can still remember them.



I quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair.
She turned to me and asked, "Are you having it catered?"
That, my friend, is the definition of 'OLD'.

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Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"
"98," she replied. "Two years older than me."
"So, you're 96 then?" the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"

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Reporters interviewing the 104-year-old woman:
"And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She replied, "No peer pressure."

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I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, new knees, a hip replacement, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, and take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts of dementia, poor circulation, can hardly feel my hands and feet any more, can't remember if I'm 85 or 92, and all my friends have passed on. But thank God I still have my driver's license!

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I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired heavily for an hour... but by the time I got my leotards on the class was over.

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An elderly woman was preparing her will and told her attorney she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
"Wal-Mart?" the attorney exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me at least twice a week."

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My memory isn't as sharp as it used to be. Besides that, my memory isn't as sharp as it used to be.

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Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat until the wrinkles fill out.

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It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

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These days, about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."

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THE SENILITY PRAYER
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.

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Ladies Thought For The Day
I don't want to brag or make anyone jealous, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.

I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, new knees, a hip replacement, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, and take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts of dementia, poor circulation, can hardly feel my hands and feet any more, can't remember if I'm 85 or 92, and all my friends have passed on. But thank God I still have my driver's license!

You really must live in Palm Springs for a month to love that. People go there to died and take out as many young people as possible.